Fifty Shades of Alice in Wonderland Page 10

  “Hear ye, hear ye, court is now in session,” Dick said. Although he was wearing a police hat and a belt with a nightstick hanging from it, he wasn’t wearing anything else, and he was very aroused. Apparently people enjoyed court more in Wonderland than they did back home. “The honorable Queen presiding. All rise.”

  The Queen made the obligatory grand entrance, splendidly wrapped in a thin layer of what looked like red rubber, or latex. It was skin tight, shiny, and there were holes for her nipples and her feminine parts. She wasn’t completely shaved like Alice, but her nether hair had been artfully shaped into a heart. Alice also noticed a glint of silver, and she realized with a pleasurable shock that the Queen had earrings down there. Each of her lips was adorned with a silver ring, as was her clitoris. Alice could barely imagine what it felt like to have a ring in that most sensitive spot and how it would feel if stroked. Or licked. Or during penetration. Would a man’s soft thrusting tug against it with each stroke? When he entered her completely, would he press against the ring?

  The Queen had similar, larger rings in her nipples, and they were connected with a length of chain. Seeing Her Majesty’s secret jewelry made Alice feel funny, and she had to press her hand to her loins to calm the sudden throb.

  “I said, all rise,” Dick announced, scowling at Mock Turtle.

  Turtle was completely naked, his ankles and wrists in cuffs. “But I am standing,” he whimpered.

  The Queen rolled her eyes. “Alice? Can you make the defendant rise?”

  “How so?” Alice didn’t understand.

  The Queen pointed at Turtle’s manhood, which hung limp and flaccid.

  “Ah,” Alice said. She approached Turtle, and reached down to stroke him. Almost immediately, he sprang to full attention and began to moan and buck.

  “Bailiff!” the Queen thundered. “Secure the defendant!”

  The Queen quickly pulled a red ribbon from her hair and passed it to Dick, who stormed between Alice and Turtle and quickly tied it in a large bow around the base of Turtle’s member.

  “Make sure it is tight,” the Queen said. “I won’t have him leaking all over my courtroom.”

  “It is tight, Your Honor.”

  “Alice! Take Turtle in your mouth and make sure he cannot climax.”

  Alice obediently dropped to her knees. She eyed Turtle’s protrusion dubiously. Though she’d never seen Lewis’s this closely, or for this long, it seemed awfully similar to her boyfriend’s. Not entirely trusting the bow, Alice slowly brought Turtle to her lips and sucked hard, cupping his balls in her hand and gently tugging them, expecting the hot spurt any second.

  Turtle moaned and shook and thrashed his head back and forth in apparent ecstasy.

  But he didn’t come.

  “The defendant is secure,” Dick said.

  “Alice, you may release him. But first, give his nipples a twist.”

  Alice wasn’t sure why the Queen wanted her to do that, but with Turtle still between her lips, she raised her hands and tweaked his nipples. His whole body seemed to tremble, and he cried out as if lovesick.

  This was easily the most fun trial Alice had ever been to.

  She released him and took her place on a chair next to the Queen’s bench. The court reporter, Cheshire, sat nearby, with one of those tiny typewriters on the desktop in front of him. His hands weren’t poised on the keys, however, but busy in his lap.

  “Very good,” said the Queen. “Now the prosecution can begin. Your opening statement?”

  “Yes, your honor.” The Duchess stepped forward. A leather corset wrapped her waist, from the bottom of her naked breasts to the garters framing her woman’s mound. Stockings like Alice’s covered her legs and on her feet were a pair of leopard high heels. “Mock turtle is charged with being a greedy, selfish lover, who cares not for his partner’s needs.”

  “Call your first witness,” the Queen said to the Duchess.

  “I call Alice.”

  Alice walked to where Dick was standing.

  “I need to swear you in,” said Dick. “Put your hand on my cock, please.”

  This seemed strange to Alice, but since everything was strange in Wonderland, she was getting used to going with the flow. She placed her palm on Dick’s protruding member.

  His eyes rolled back a little in his head, and his hips began to thrust, rubbing his velvet head against her hand.

  After a dozen strokes, Alice spoke up. “What about the swearing?”

  Dick blinked. “I would never swear at you, Alice. You’re so beautiful and sweet.”

  “I didn’t mean the cursing kind of swearing.”

  “Okay. Now could you wrap your fingers around me a bit tighter? Maybe lick your hand first and get it nice and wet?”

  Now Alice was confused. “But you’re the bailiff. Don’t you have to make me promise to tell the truth?”

  “Oh, of course. But I would never swear you in on my cock. I use a bible for that.”

  Alice thought that maybe she should feel put out, but she liked the feel of Dick’s cock, so she gave him a few more strokes before insisting he pull out a bible and properly swear her in. And through all of this, the queen and the lawyers and the jury and especially the court reporter watched. Although as far as Alice knew, Cheshire didn’t record a single word, since every time she looked his way, he was diligently abusing himself.

  “Sit in the witness chair,” the Queen ordered and pointed to a black leather swing that hung from the ceiling on four chains.

  But when Alice approached the contraption, she had no idea how to get on it. “I’m sorry, Your Majesty—”

  “Your Honor,” corrected the Queen.

  “Your Honor,” said Alice. “But I’m afraid I don’t understand how this works.”

  “You’ve never been in a sex swing before?”

  “No.”

  “Baillif! Assist Alice!”

  With a boost from Dick that somehow involved him touching her bottom, fondling both breasts, and administering a tender pinch to her feminine lips, Alice found herself suspended in midair. The swath of black leather supported her back and butt, and her feet were in stirrups. The only way to sit comfortably was for Alice to bend her knees and spread her legs wide, for the whole courtroom to see. Alice immediately understood why this was called a sex swing. Any man—or woman—had full access to all of Alice’s private parts, and she could be easily moved, turned, and manipulated as if she weighed nothing at all.

  It turned her on something fierce.

  “What do you have to say, Alice?” asked the Duchess.

  There was only one thing that popped into her mind. “Those stockings and heels make your bottom and legs look spectacular.”

  Alice glanced around the room, and everyone from the Queen to Pilar to the jury nodded in agreement.

  “Why, thank you, dear,” said the Duchess. “I appreciate the compliment. But I’m sorry, I now have to ask you some tough questions.”

  Alice braced herself as much as she could in a swing.

  “You were at the beach with Mock Turtle, and he made love to you. Is that correct?”

  The Duchess wasn’t kidding. That was a tough question. And Alice wasn’t sure how to answer. “Well… he…”

  “Did he make love to you or not?”

  “Well, he sort of tried… I guess.”

  “I need a more specific answer.”

  Mock Turtle gave her a pleading look. The experience with him had been outrageously unsatisfying, but Alice didn’t want the poor man to be sentenced to death for it.

  “The witness will answer the question,” ordered the Queen.

  “I’m sorry, but that’s the only answer I can give.”

  “Then let me be more specific,” said the Duchess. “May I approach the witness?”

  “By all means,” said the Queen.

  The Duchess looked sympathetic. “Now some of these questions might be tough, Alice, but just do your best to answer. Okay?”

  Ali
ce nodded, not sure what would come next.

  “When Mock Turtle made love to you, at any time, did he lick your pussy?”

  Alice shuddered at the vulgar word. “Um, no.”

  “No, what?”

  “He didn’t, um, do any licking,” she said.

  “He didn’t lick what?” repeated the Duchess.

  Now Alice had been in Wonderland long enough to know that the Duchess wanted her to say that word. But even though Alice formed her lips and moved her tongue to pronounce it, she couldn’t get any sound to emerge.

  “May I assist the witness, your honor?” The Duchess asked the Queen.

  “Please do,” said the Queen, fondling her gavel.

  Alice was hoping the Duchess would assist by saying the word for her, but instead she brought her face between Alice’s thighs.

  “Did he do this to your pussy?” And she darted her tongue between Alice’s sensitive nether lips and swirled around Alice’s nub in the most electrifying way. It was almost too intense. But the swing prevented Alice from closing her legs, even as the Duchess continued to torment her in short, piercing stabs.

  “Oh… oh… unh…”

  “Is that a yes or a no?” the Queen asked.

  “No,” Alice managed after the Duchess pulled away. “He certainly didn’t do that.”

  “How about this?” The Duchess dipped back into Alice’s special entrance and ground her mouth against Alice, devouring the whole of her with slow, fat licks of her tongue. She went up, and down, as if Alice was a wall she was painting, and when Alice tried to buck to make her speed up, the Duchess slowed even more.

  Alice couldn’t think, let alone answer. She thrust her hips against the Duchess’s mouth, and the word she was trying to say came out as an unintelligible gasp.

  “Answer the question,” the Queen ordered.

  “He… he… he didn’t… do… that.”

  “How about this?” And the Duchess rose up between Alice’s legs, then claimed Alice’s nipples in her mouth, one at a time, kissing, licking, sucking, then slowly moved up to Alice’s lips, where she kissed her and plunged her tongue deep.

  The kiss sent heat spiraling through Alice, and she could taste her own juices on the Duchess’s tongue, and for some reason that thrilled her even more. The Duchess’s nipples brushed her own, and Alice raised up her hips and the friction of the Duchess’s fishnet stockings sent her over the edge, making her climax quite audibly.

  When Alice finally stopped screaming, the Duchess turned to the Queen. “She’s taking an awfully long time to answer simple yes and no questions, Your Honor. May I treat the witness as hostile?”

  The Queen’s heart-shaped lips curved in a heart-shaped smile. “Please, do.”

  “Dick?” said the Duchess, extending her hand.

  With a dazed look on his face, Dick handed her his baton. And Alice couldn’t help noticing the device looked an awful lot like Pilar’s dildo. It even had the little bumps and ridges on it.

  And that was exactly how the Duchess used it, starting by teasing Alice’s nipples, and then slowly bringing it down between her open legs. The Duchess rubbed it across Alice, over and over, until it was slick with wetness.

  “Did Mock Turtle do this to you?” She penetrated Alice, filling her.

  Alice groaned, her eyes closing in rapture.

  “What was that?” the Queen asked. “Read that back to me.”

  Cheshire imitated Alice’s gasp without missing a stroke.

  The Queen frowned. “Is that a yes or a no?”

  “Noooo,” croaked Alice, barely able to breathe.

  “Did he try this?” Pumping it in and out, slowly and deliciously, The Duchess coated the stick with Alice’s juices as Alice tried in vain to stop her hips from bucking.

  “Oh… oh… oh… oh… no…”

  “How about this?”

  And with the baton still deeply inside Alice, The Duchess gave the swing a spin. Alice began to twirl while impaled upon the stick, screaming all the while. The feeling was so amazing, so intense, that coupled with the dizziness of the rotation, Alice came very close to blacking out. When the swing finally came to a stop, Alice saw that the Hatter and the Hare, the Maus and Cheshire, Pilar and the Queen and Dick were all stroking themselves and staring at her. And all Alice could think of was how good she felt and how much she wanted it to go on forever.

  Then the Duchess pulled the baton out of Alice, and Alice almost cried. “Please… don’t stop…”

  “I’m finished with this witness,” said the Duchess, and she walked briskly to the back of the room.

  The Queen turned to Pilar. “Your witness, Mr. Caterpillar.”

  “My witness?” Pilar stood and smiled. “I’ll take her back to my Pink Room of Bunnies and pry the truth out of her. I don’t care how long it takes. Hours. Days. I’ll make her come so many times she’ll beg for me to stop. But I won’t stop. Not until I break her.”

  “Oh, please do,” Alice said, whimpering.

  “I’m afraid you can’t,” answered the Queen. “This story is already longer than the original it is parodying, and you need to get on with it. What say you?”

  “I say, put Mock Turtle in the pillory and flog him for his heinous crimes.”

  “You’re his defense attorney,” the Queen reminded Pilar. “How do you defend your client?”

  Pilar glanced at the Mock Turtle, naked and pouting, his tortured member twitching with no immediate hope of release. “Oh, there’s no defense for not seeing to your partner’s needs.”

  “Can I get a new lawyer?” Mock Turtle asked.

  “Bailiff! Gag the defendant!”

  Dick swaggered over to Turtle, and forced a red rubber ball into his mouth. It had a leather strap attached to it, and Dick wound that around Turtle’s head and buckled it in place. Almost immediately, a line of drool fell from Turtle’s chin.

  Alice had never seen such a terrible device. It made Turtle look so pathetic. So helpless.

  It was such a turn on, Alice dropped her hand to her womanhood and began to rub.

  “Can I be gagged too?” she asked.

  “Perhaps later,” promised the Queen. “Call your next witness, Duchess.”

  “I think it’s time to put Mock Turtle on the stand.”

  The Queen shook her head. “You can’t call the defendant as a witness. Only the defense attorney can do that.”

  “Then that’s what I’ll do,” said Pilar.

  And Dick didn’t ask Mock Turtle to place his hand on his cock, but he swore him in anyway. Turtle mumbled his response around the gag.

  “Can you read that back?” the Queen asked.

  “Mmphhh-mmmbbaa,” repeated Cheshire.

  “Your witness,” said the Queen to Pilar. “Ask your questions.”

  “Oh, he doesn’t have to answer to me,” said Pilar.

  “Prosecution?”

  The Duchess shook her head, now busy using the baton on herself. “He doesn’t have to answer to me, either.”

  The Queen focused on Alice. “They’re right, you know. There’s only one person he must answer to, and that’s you.”

  “But I don’t—”

  “Then I will sentence him immediately, and judging from the evidence I’ve seen, the sentence is death.”

  “But isn’t that for the jury to decide?”

  The Queen peered at the jury box. Hatter was busy riding Hare, and Hare had his mouth full of Maus.

  “The jury seems preoccupied,” the Queen said. “Mock Turtle, for the crime of ignoring your partner’s needs, I sentence you to—”

  “Wait!” Alice shouted. She couldn’t let Mock Turtle die, not when she might be able to save him. She didn’t have a clue how she would do that, but if there was anything Alice had learned in her time in Wonderland, it was that being timid never got her anywhere. It was time to be bold. “I have some questions for Mock Turtle, and before he is sentenced, he needs to answer to me.”

  “Very well, Alice. As
k away.” And Alice thought she could detect a note of pride in the Queen’s voice.

  Alice tried to remember all the courtroom shows she’d seen on TV, but she doubted much of what she’d seen would apply here. Best as she could recall, Matlock didn’t have a sex swing. And on Law and Order, the judge never wore latex. Alice hadn’t seen Boston Legal, but she’d heard good things.

  Alice looked around the room, hoping for a bout of inspiration, and she noticed an odd chair with a tall back, short legs, and a round seat with a hole in the center. It almost looked like a toilet, but there didn’t appear to be any plumbing, and it had another odd hole in the front at the base, and leather straps on the sides with buckles on them.

  The ideas popping into Alice’s mind were embarrassing, or at least they should have been. But instead of embarrassment, Alice felt a renewed tingle between her legs.

  “What kind of chair is that?” she asked.

  “It’s called a queening chair,” answered the Queen.

  “Why is it called a queening chair?” Alice figured if anyone would know such things, it would be the Queen herself.

  “Because it will make you feel like a queen,” came the answer. “The accused lies on his back, beneath the chair, with his head and hands secured in place. The seat has a hole in it, directly above the prone man’s face. When a woman sits upon it, the man has complete access to her. She could sit comfortably there for hours.”

  Alice swallowed the large lump in her throat, and waited until the shiver had passed. “If it would please the court, I would like the defendant to be locked into place under the chair.”

  The Queen smiled. “Oh, it would please the court, all right. Very much.”

  Dick escorted Mock Turtle to the chair and directed him to lie on his back, his face staring up through the space where the chair’s seat should be. His ball gag was removed, and his neck locked in place. His wrists were cuffed on either side of the chair.

  “You’ll require this,” the Queen said to Alice, handing her a stiff, black riding crop with a fat swatch of leather on the end. “If he doesn’t follow your orders, give him a little swat.”

  Alice approached the queening chair, her legs shaking. She stared down at Turtle, his poor ribboned member stiff and turning an angry purple color, his eyes pleading up at her through the oval hole in the chair’s seat.