Fifty Shades of Alice in Wonderland Read online

  “I mean what if you sat in my lap? And I filled up your bottom?”

  He couldn’t mean what he was saying. “Filled it up with what?”

  “With my cock.” And to illustrate, he took hold of it and began to stroke.

  Next to her, the March Hare did the same with his charming curved shaft.

  And as much as she liked these two men, and as much fun as she was having with their game, and as much as she wanted to be bold, Alice gave her head a shake. “I think that would hurt.”

  “Have we hurt you so far?” asked the March Hare.

  “No, but I think the Hatter will be too big.”

  “How about me?” The March Hare angled his hips to thrust his length in the air.

  Alice shook her head. “No, I’m afraid that even though it’s curved in that charming way, yours is too big, too.”

  The Hatter climbed off the sofa or table or sex chair or whatever it was and nudged the sleeping Dor Maus with his toe. “Wake up, Maus, and take off your clothes.”

  And as absurd as the order was, the man woke and disrobed as if it was the most natural thing in the world, then he stared at her bare breasts and glistening nipples with wide and hungry eyes.

  And even though she’d just had the Hare inside her and the Hatter deep in her mouth, Alice still felt ashamed she was naked in front of this new man.

  “How about him?” The Hatter reached down and tugged at the man’s privates. “Is he a more comfortable size?”

  And Alice examined Maus. Five inches if he was lucky, the man’s member was chiseled like a sculpture, and was possibly the most attractive one she’d yet seen. And before Alice quite knew what she was doing, she nodded, and Maus was taking the Hatter’s place on the sex chair and pulling something that glistened on his perfectly formed part.

  “Sit on his lap, Alice,” the Hatter crooned.

  “Sit on his…?”

  “Yes.”

  “With his…?”

  “Yes.”

  “In my…?”

  “Yes.”

  “But, isn’t it…” Alice blushed something terrible and whispered, “dirty?”

  “Dirty?” Maus bristled. “I just took a shower this morning.”

  “I meant, my…”

  “Your bottom?” the Hatter asked.

  “Yes.” Alice hung her head in shame.

  “Well,” the Hatter said. “Only one way to find out.”

  Suddenly he, the Hare, and Maus were on their knees behind Alice, as the Hatter, now wearing a light band on his head like a medical doctor, spread her cheeks apart.

  “My!” Alice yelped.

  “Looks very clean to me,” the Hatter said.

  And then Alice felt something warm and wet where she’d never felt anything warm and wet before. She almost fell over again.

  “Tastes fine, too,” the Hare said.

  “You’re going to have your body your whole life, Alice,” the Hatter said. “There are no parts you should be ashamed of. And certainly no parts that are dirty.” He smiled and gave her a devilish wink. “Unless, of course, you like it dirty.”

  Alice wasn’t sure what to say, what to. No one had ever licked her there before. And no one ever wanted to put anything in there, either.

  But Alice thought about all the other new things she’d tried that day, things she never could have imagined, and she’d liked them all. And although she knew she probably shouldn’t, that no decent girl did things like this, Alice decided to take a chance and be bold.

  “Okay,” she said. And a millisecond after the words left her lips, Maus was back on the sex chair and the Hatter and the Hare had whisked Alice off of her feet and begun to lower her, legs parted, onto him.

  Alice could feel his tip probe at her bottom, and she started to have second thoughts. “I can’t—”

  “Just relax and let me glide inside,” said Maus, his voice gentle and soothing as a gentle rain. “I’m using a lubricated prophylactic. If this hurts too much, let me know, and I’ll stop.”

  “How shall I let you know?” Alice asked.

  “A phone call?” the Hatter suggested.

  “Semaphore?” added the Hare.

  “Do you have semaphore flags, Alice?” asked Maus.

  “I meant,” Alice said, “if I’m screaming, you might well think I’m enjoying myself and won’t stop. Can we use a safeword?”

  “Very well, a safeword,” said the Hatter. “And our safeword today is cock.”

  Alice flushed at the thought of saying that word. “That’s so vulgar.”

  “But sometimes vulgar is exciting, isn’t it?”

  Alice didn’t reply, but she hoped she wouldn’t have to use the safeword. This game was embarrassing enough.

  “Now relax and I’ll enter you very slowly,” said Dor (she figured she should call him by his first name, since he was about to enter her bottom), and he slid between her cheeks.

  Alice relaxed, and little by little, he inched inside. And she could feel herself stretching, but there was no pain, at least none but the pleasant kind. She was worried he’d be revolted, but the sounds he made were of the happy variety, sighing and moaning.

  Then Dor started moving, slowly, tenderly, and she stared up at the tree bows overhead and lay on her back on top of him, and actually had to admit this strange fullness felt deliciously good.

  The Hatter slung a leg over the chair as if he was climbing aboard a motorcycle, and on his head now was indeed, the type of leather cap Alice had seen bikers wear. And he snuggled up against her and his huge shaft pushed into her other opening.

  If Alice had thought she felt full before, she was mistaken. For a second, she thought it was too much, that she couldn’t take it. The Hatter was so big, and Dor already occupied her bottom. But then the Hatter eased deeper and deeper and her juices flowed and her body relaxed and then the two of them started rocking in time, Dor behind and the Hatter in front.

  “Oh,” Alice said. “Oh, my.”

  She could feel both men inside her, as if they shared the same space. Her whole lower area was glowing with sensations, and the sensations were building upon each other, getting more intense with every stroke.

  “This…” Alice said. “This is…”

  “It’s what?” the Hare asked.

  “Oh my.”

  Then the Hatter reached up, his fingers finding her nipples, and Alice let out a sharp cry that scared all of the jays off the dead birch tree in the yard.

  “How about me?” said the Hare. “Is there a game I can play?”

  Alice nodded, reaching for him, her hands shaking.

  “What are the rules?”

  Alice was unable to articulate anything. She was too lost in pleasure. She looked at the Hatter, thrusting into her, and pleaded for him to help. He brought his fingers against her right above where he’d entered and he played and stroked until she screamed out again, scaring a family of squirrels out of their nest, where they dropped to the ground and bounced like furry brown balls.

  When she’d recovered enough to think, Alice peered up at the Hare. With her bottom claimed by Dor, and her womanhood overflowing with the Hatter, there was obviously only one game left to play. She opened her mouth wide, trying to get him to understand.

  “You want to play dentist?” the Hare said. “I’m to examine your teeth?”

  The rhythm continued. Back and forth and back and forth until Alice felt she was going to lose her mind.

  “My… my… my rules,” Alice said, struggling mightily to get the words out. “You have to… put it… in my mouth.”

  “It?” he said.

  “Your…”

  “My?”

  The Hatter did something with his fingers again, and Alice screamed so loud the dog ran and hid under the porch.

  “Your… man part.”

  “Which part?” He frowned, still not following.

  “Your…” she ogled his sweet, curved shaft, hoping he’d follow her meaning.


  “I don’t understand,” he said.

  The Hatter’s thrust and Dor’s parry grew faster, and Alice could feel another orgasm roaring up fast as a freight train.

  “Your cock! Your cock!” she cried.

  And the other two stopped.

  “Please, keep going,” Alice begged frantically, bucking against them and sending her breasts bouncing.

  “That was the safeword,” said the Hatter.

  Of course it was, and she’d forgotten. But she didn’t want to be safe now. She wanted to be totally filled by all three men. She wanted them to send her over the edge and then go over along with her. “I’m… I’m being bold and changing the rules,” she gasped. “Can I do that?”

  “You can do anything you want,” said the Hatter. “All you have to do is figure out what it is.”

  Alice didn’t have to think about that, not right now, which was probably good, because she was beyond thinking. “I want three cocks inside me right now.”

  “But wait,” said the Hare.

  Alice stared at him. “Wait?”

  “What’s a tea party without tea bagging?”

  She was almost frantic, wanting him in her, needing him. “Why are you talking about tea bags? I want your cock in my mouth.”

  “I’ll show you.” He took hold of his manhood and lifted it, then he straddled her hear and lowered his other parts—his balls—down to her lips.

  Immediately understanding his odd request, Alice opened her mouth and took them inside. And although she still didn’t see what this had to do with making tea, she sucked and she rolled until he tensed up with a groan. Then he plunged his cock between her lips as the other two rocked her, and an orgasm crashed through Alice so fierce she was sure she’d become as mad as they were. It was followed by another, and another.

  “I’m coming,” cried Dor.

  “Almost there,” moaned the Hatter.

  Alice sucked the Hare harder, hoping to make him climax at the same time. And then Dor cried out, his hips spasming, and the Hatter bellowed deep, pressing his cheek into Alice’s chest and holding her tight as he shuddered, and the Hare’s hot essence shot into her mouth and dribbled down her chin, and Alice literally exploded with pleasure.

  Okay… Alice didn’t really literally explode. But it was pretty damn epic.

  Their energies spent, the Hatter helped her up off the sex chair.

  “I have to buy one of those,” Alice said, blowing out a huge breath and eyeing the chair.

  “Amazon.com,” said the Hare. “They sell everything, and have the best prices.”

  Dor began to snore.

  “Does he always sleep so much?” Alice asked. She felt lovely and content and a little sore, and just about ready to curl up and go to sleep right beside him.

  “He can’t sleep for long. He’s invited to play croquet with the Queen.”

  “Were you two invited?” Alice asked, looking from the Hatter to the Hare.

  “Of course we were,” said the Hare. “Weren’t you?”

  “She must be,” said the Hatter. “Why wouldn’t a beautiful and sexy woman like Alice not get an invitation?”

  And although Alice was embarrassed, she had to shake her head. “I have no invitation.”

  The Hatter frowned. “Are you sure? Maybe you should look inside you.”

  Alice frowned. “What do you mean? Search my soul and see if I deserve to go?”

  “No,” the Hatter said, pointing to her nether-regions. “I mean inside you.”

  Alice stared down between her hairless legs. “There’s a croquet invitation in there?”

  “Check and see.”

  Alice reached a hand down there, then hesitated. She never touched that part of her. And had certainly never reached inside. Squeezing her eyes shut, hating every moment, the put a single finger in and moved it around.

  “There’s nothing,” she lamented.

  “Go deeper.”

  Alice did.

  “Deeper.”

  “There’s nothing,” she yelled, pulling out her hand in anger and humiliation.

  “Of course there is nothing,” the Hatter said. “Who ever heard of such a ridiculous thing?”

  “So why did you make me do it?” Alice demanded.

  “Because it was really hot,” he answered.

  The Hare nodded in agreement.

  The Duchess was right. Men were pigs.

  “Well, I have to get dressed,” the Hatter said. “I can’t play croquet like this. It would cause a scandal.”

  The Hare nodded. “And sunburn.”

  And as they dressed, the Hatter in his suit and the Hare in his costume, Alice again felt self-conscious about her nudity. “What about me? I have no clothes.”

  “You have boots,” the Hatter said, studying her, and if she wasn’t mistaken, his manhood started to grow again. “And they make your legs and bottom look stupendous.”

  “I have something for you to wear,” said the March Hare. And he reached into the discarded furry pants of his costume and pulled out a leather bra. “Put this on.”

  Grateful to finally have something that covered her breasts, Alice slipped the bra on. But though the leather contraption fit her perfectly, it was like no bra she’d ever worn before. Made of leather straps and silver buckles, the apparatus surrounded each of her breasts, hefting them high. But it left most of her fleshy mounds totally bare, her nipples protruding luridly in front of her.

  “I can’t wear this,” she said.

  The Hare made a face. “Of course you can. Look in the mirror. You’re wearing it right now.

  “But it doesn’t even cover my nipples.”

  “Your nipples are delicious, Alice,” said the Hatter. “Why ever would you cover them? They should be seen and tasted and suckled by the world. But…”

  “But what?”

  “You’re right. The look isn’t quite complete.” And so he took off his leather motorcycle cap and plopped it on her head. “There, that’s perfect. We’ll see you there. Just walk through that hedge.”

  “Don’t be late,” added the Hare, and the two of them walked away to the house and left her.

  Alice looked down at sleeping Dorian Maus, then shrugged. It had been the loveliest tea party she’d ever attended, but now that it was over, what was there to do but continue on her way?

  Chapter 5

  The Queen’s Croquet-Ground

  Alice wasn’t sure what croquet was, because she lived in modern day America and not nineteenth century England. She had never seen croquet on YouTube (though one of her favorites was that adorable little baby panda sneezing), and the sad fact is that most teenagers are, by their nature, rather dense, and Alice was no exception. She thought it may have something to do with knitting, recalling that she once received a terrible birthday gift from one of her elderly aunts, who had croqueted a sweater.

  But she had never met a queen before (other than a rather flamboyant boy in her science class who painted his nails pink and called everyone girlfriend) so Alice was both excited by the prospect and a little nervous. If anyone knew how Alice could get back home, it was probably a queen.

  She walked through the hedge, as instructed, and it lead to a clearing with a green, lush, carefully maintained lawn hemmed in by bushes trimmed in the shape of playing cards. Her spiky heels dug into the sod, making walking awkward, but anyone watching would have agreed that her legs and bottom looked awesome. However, no one was watching, which suited Alice fine. Even though she’d been naked for what felt like forever, she still hadn’t gotten used to it, and every time she met someone new it was embarrassment and humiliation all over again. Alice once heard it said that more people were afraid of speaking in public than dying. She understood completely. But there was one thing worse than public speaking; public speaking while all of your private parts were showing.

  Sounds of conversation and laughter broke through the bushes, and Alice followed them until she reached a crowd of people. Considering all
the weirdoes she’d recently met, these people were dressed more or less normally. Alice had heard it called business casual. No ties or suits, but the men wore pleated pants and long sleeved shirts, and the women wore fashionable skirts and tops. It made the ridiculous outfit Alice was wearing even more outrageous.

  She hobbled up to the group, which seemed to be circled around four people hitting colored balls across the lawn with large, wooden mallets.

  So that’s croquet, Alice thought. How ridiculous. Haven’t these people heard of PlayStation?

  Three of the players were men, but one was a woman. She was tall, in a red dress that clung to her every curve, and she wore red boots that had heels just like Alice’s. Her hair was deep red, pulled back in a severe bun, and her bright red lips formed a heart when she pouted, which at the moment she was doing. Alice immediately knew this must be the queen. The woman radiated power, and authority in a way Alice had never known, and everyone buzzed and flocked around her as if she was the center of the universe, some people looking timid and frightened, some looking infatuated.

  Also, she wore a gold crown, which kind of made it obvious.

  “Has anyone seen where my red ball went?” the Queen demanded, hands on her hips.

  There was shrugging from the three men she played with, and intense murmurs from the crowd of a dozen.

  “If that ball isn’t found immediately,” the Queen said, “you shall all be publicly paddled!”

  Alice couldn’t think of anything worse than that, and apparently everyone agreed, because the next few seconds were a frenzy of frantic searching, everyone climbing all over one another to find the Queen’s ball. Alice was pushed, bumped, and shoved, and she wound up flung into a hedge and on all fours. And there, under the hedge, was the red croquet ball.

  Alice snatched it and stood, holding it triumphantly over her head.

  “I found it! I found it, Your Majesty!”

  All at once the crowd went silent and still. They parted, forming a circle around Alice and staring intently as the Queen approached. Alice inwardly shrank, placing an arm across her bare nipples, lowering the hand with the ball to shield her naked loins. A blush crept up her cheeks, getting worse as the crowd began to whisper and point at her.